What Are You Tolerating?

Sep 12

What You Allow Repeatedly Becomes Part of Your Standard.

Have we forgotten the value of challenging people to grow?

One of the things I’ve learned through years of coaching teams, working with leaders and parents, and being part of academia is that standards rarely change overnight. They shift gradually, often through the small things we choose to tolerate.

They slip through small compromises.

I’ve seen it with parents. A behavior that should have been addressed gets overlooked. An expectation gets relaxed. A difficult conversation is avoided.

Then it happens again.

Eventually, what was once unacceptable becomes normal.

And when that happens, you changed the standard without even realizing it.

I’ve seen coaches and leaders make small concessions to individuals with good intentions, only to see those decisions eventually affect the larger team. I have been there too.

When expectations aren’t applied consistently, people notice. When what you say doesn’t match what you consistently allow, your credibility takes a hit.

The best teams I’ve coached thrived in practices that were tough even grueling at times. We helped our players grow by challenging them along the way.

I have always believed there is value in intentional pressure. There is value in being challenged, being held accountable, and learning to persevere when something is difficult. Those experiences build resilience—and resilience prepares us for the moments when the pressure is real.

I believe we do people a disservice when we continually lower the bar rather than helping them develop the capacity to reach it.

That belief extends beyond athletics.

Just recently, I had a conversation with a friend in academia about the challenges she faces in maintaining academic standards today—what she is being asked to accept, what she chooses not to tolerate, and how difficult it can be to balance high expectations with the realities she faces.

That conversation stayed with me.

As coaches, leaders, educators, and parents, we have an opportunity—and a responsibility—to challenge people while giving them the support they need to rise to the challenge.

It isn’t about being unreasonable or expecting perfection.

It’s about being clear about what matters—and having the courage and consistency to uphold it.

Coach Druzz’s Reflection

Ask yourself:

• What am I tolerating today that I would not have tolerated a year ago?

• Where have small compromises become a pattern?

• Am I lowering the standard—or helping people rise to it?

This Week’s Practice

1. Notice it.
Identify one behavior or expectation that has slipped.

2. Address it.
Have the conversation you may have been avoiding.

3. Reinforce it.
Be consistent with the standard you expect from others.

Because culture is shaped by what we consistently allow, reinforce, and expect.